Nothing makes sense anymore. Buying a car to drive to work and driving to pay for the car made sense. Now you do that and you still end up in debt to cover gas and insurance. At least eggs are still inexpensive, even with inflation.
When I was in college and had no money, a bag of arid spaghetti cost 99 cents. I would mix it with parmesan cheese powder. Did you know that parmesan cheese powder usually has a lot of cellulose in it? It’s an anti-caking agent made from wood pulp. Sawdust. So that probably makes it a vegetable, right? Don’t look at me that way. I was a picky eater. I didn’t eat anything close to a balanced diet until I was 25. That’s when I discovered eggs.
Arctic Eggs takes me. He knows that in this dystopia, all you need are eggs. Then everything makes sense.
Arctic Eggs takes place on what looks like the top of a pair of Siberian skyscrapers. You’ve tried to escape this hellish, elevated district, but it didn’t go well. You’ve been stripped of everything, leaving you an empty shell clutching a frying pan. Your novel job is to prepare eggs for the citizens.
Could be worse. Wait until you see the prison.
You were told that appropriate The way to leave your frozen vertical tomb is to simply ask permission from the Sacred Six Stomachs. However, this deity-like being won’t even see you until you’ve satiated your rumbling bellies enough.
You’re left to wander the sky-high walkways of the area, talking to everyone and finding out who wants to eat. Everyone speaks in mysterious ways, so you may not even realize it until your T-Fal pan rises up to be seen, and the food or “food” is waiting to fall into it. It’s strange to see the T-Fal brand in this game. It’s strange to recognize it, even though they’re inexpensive pans.
I like fried eggs. Runny yolk. That’s how I got the taste for them during my trip to Japan. That’s not an option in Arctic Eggs. You’ll need to cook them on both sides, which means you’ll need to flip them halfway through cooking.
You don’t have a fish slicer, though. You could call them spatulas, but that’s a bit of a state-of-the-art twist on the word. Spatulas are just massive, flat spoons. A fish slicer (also called a flipper or a flipper) is a tool you operate to flip something in a pan. Without one, you have to flip an egg the old-fashioned way: by force.
It’s all mouse movement. You have to move and flick the mouse to get it into the air. Your stance is stationary, so you can’t move the pan to catch what you just sent into the sky. You have to finesse the movement, allowing the food to move to the side of the pan so you can flick it and hopefully roll it.
Cooking one egg is challenging at first, but the scary thing is that you’ll soon have to juggle more. Cigarettes, fish, live cockroaches; the inhabitants of this strange, frost-covered shantytown have strange tastes to match their unusual way of speaking.
You may wonder how much gameplay you can squeeze out of one Mario’s Party mini-game, but it turns out there’s a lot of it. Two and a half hours, maybe? I don’t know. I left it in the background to sit and now time doesn’t matter. Once you figure out how to put bacon on his butt, it’s time to move on to something else. It’s not always harder, but it’s definitely different.
The nightclub section offers some of the most engaging obstacles. People will place beer bottles in your pan. You can let it tip over and spill its innards on your unborn child, but don’t let the liquid get beyond the confines of your cookware. One spill and you start over.
The next challenge involves an empty glass falling into a pan, followed by three ice cubes. Your goal is to prevent the ice from touching the pan and melting (I guess glass doesn’t conduct heat in this universe). Scratch that. Your goal is to cook the food in the pan (both sides) before the ice melts. Pro tip: It takes longer to melt the ice than it does to cook one side of an egg. If you can tip the egg back onto the pan, it doesn’t matter if the glass spills its contents; the egg will finish first.
One of my favorites was a single stingray filling a pan. Another was a cube of grotesque meat. I’m a uncomplicated person.
To see the Holy Six Stomachs, you have to satisfy 27 of them Arctic Eggs 34 people. That means if there’s a challenge you can’t complete, you can skip it and still finish the game. I fed everyone. I cooked a nice egg.
But it’s not straightforward. There are some challenges that seem too challenging. Usually, when I was about to give up, my determination would prevail and I would overcome the challenge.
What made things even more challenging was the fact that Arctic Eggs It’s not technically perfect. No game is. Ever. However, early on I found that quick movements would sometimes cause food to slice through the bottom of the pan. More annoyingly, if my computer froze for any reason, my arm would completely buckle and immediately snap into an impossible angle. Food would fly into the beams, where the sticky egg yolk would no doubt stick it to the ceiling, where it would be forgotten.
That wasn’t so bad. There’s no penalty for throwing food into the sky. Just try again.
I think this was happening when my secondary difficult drive was waking up from standby. It’s a established platter drive and I could hear it spinning up at times like this. I really need to replace it. This thing is over 10 years ancient.
Can you fry an egg on Mount Everest? Who cares? I can’t think about that right now. I can only think about what’s right in front of me: eggs. The only future I dream of is one where I have the luxury of dreaming again.
I know you can’t cook a potato on Mount Everest. Too bad about all those Yetis.
I have video games. They’re a way for someone to give me their perspective. There’s probably a word for that, but I’m not a thesaurus. I just cook eggs. The best eggs. Arctic Eggs understands the importance of eggs in our bleak, empty world. They are nutritious, inexpensive, and mostly created through mass torture. So when you get it all together, this is the ultimate game.
