CES is an exhilarating event because it’s always full of weird, wild, and often questionable tech stuff like cyber prisons for little anime girls (what?), VR racing rigs that blow the wind in your face (what?), and keyboards where everyone the key is bread (which one?).
I’m not at CES myself, so I didn’t get to meet any of Realbotix’s full-body robots, but the bottom line is that they cost around $200,000 and are a waking nightmare. Look:
“Our custom AI solutions are tailored to your specific needs, whether for companionship, social interaction, or business goals,” says Realbotix, though I can’t support but notice that the video above begins with the camera pointed at the robot’s butt. They’re implying that you can have sex with robots, right?
“Realbotix can recreate a historical figure, a star or make our client’s vision of a robot come true,” says the official website, refusing to answer my question. “Our companionship-based AI makes our robots ideal for the home.”
Perfect for sex At home?
“Made in the USA, Realbotix has a reputation for producing the highest quality humanoid robots and the most realistic silicone skin technology,” the website says non-committal. “Robots with a human touch” is the company’s motto. So…probably sex robots, right?
…resembles the unpleasant spasms of the animatronic character Chuck E. Cheese
Look, I don’t think robots you can talk to (and maybe have sex with) are a bad idea at all, but the video above isn’t particularly convincing. We are surprised by the robots making strange, violent gestures that are supposed to be realistic, but mainly resemble the unpleasant spasms of the animatronic character Chuck E. Cheese during the final performance at an 8-year-old’s pizza party.
One of the robots tries to brush her hair back, but it takes twice as long as a human, making me wonder if my coffee has been laced with acid. The second robot makes a tantalizing “come here” gesture that requires dozens more iterations of programming tweaks, because that hand moves not like a human or even alien hand, but like the spiny legs of some skeletal creature you might find crawling through the mud at the bottom of the Uncanny Valley.
And then, for reasons I can’t even fathom, Realbotix takes the robot he was trying to convince me was “realistic” and two burly human arms come and rip the flesh off the robot’s face. What are you doing, Realbotix? You show me her ass, her breasts, and her French manicure, and then you peel off her face to reveal bulging but lifeless eyes, exposed plastic teeth and gums, a see-through skull, and a mechanized brain? What the hell is wrong with you?
We have to take care of it Other jump scares in this video too – for example, what’s going on with the scrawny vintage robot looking at the other woman’s robot, smiling, and then glancing at me to make eye contact?
What is this supposed to tell me? Is that look he gives me suggestive and conspiratorial, as if to say, “That’s right, buddy, I’m just a robot, but even I can’t help but be turned on by this sexy robot woman!” Why are the robot ladies juvenile and sexy and the man is a gaunt vintage man? Did Realbotix create a $200,000 male robot just to swallow the gaze of its $200,000 female robots so that they never feel fully comfortable and unthreatening? Have I died at the keyboard and am actually looking into hell?
We may never know because I’m too concerned to think deeply about it. If you are braver than me, you can visit Realbotix website.
