Well, Helldivers 2 folks, you might want to start incorporating more dramatic post-Freedom Day hangover relief techniques into your arsenal if you’re still suffering from overindulgence in freedom. Why? Because Arrowhead just dropped a massive novel order and it looks like a hell of a deal.
Yes, after everyone was given some free time to try and stab tanks to death with the novel Constitution rifle over the weekend, after they dealt with the Jet Brigade and had to choose between two things over the last few MOs, the game time was reduced to closure by JOEL and company.
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“With another Freedom Day behind us, and with proper recognition of the great gift of Managed Democracy being sufficiently honored, we are once again back in galactic warfare,” Arrowhead’s latest order reads, “Many strategic priorities have emerged, all of them high priority :”
- “Decryption of sensitive data recovered from the Automaton Fortress has identified a high-security database that likely contains key information regarding the Jet Brigade.”
- “At the same time, recent Terminid activity has exposed the Terminid Research Reserve to the risk of external disturbances. This security breach must be resolved immediately.”
- “Finally, we have reason to believe that the Automatons are planning their inevitable territorial expansion. We cannot allow the Automatons to continue to expand their territory.”
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And yes, in case you missed the end of the second line and are now thinking, “Oh, I wonder which one we, the community, will choose,” the studio emphasized, “Helldivers are intended to succeed in all three goals.” You’re talking about making it easier for people to get back into coal mining after a break, right?
So you have to go out there and apply three pairs of hands, Arrowhead seems to think you have to liberate Mater Bay, hold both Gacrux and Pandion-XXIV, and freely defend the five planets. As one player Reddithe put it this way: “We’re fucked up…”
But damn, that attitude doesn’t befit a space soldier, so I guess just give it your all. A playlist of cheesy early 2000s motivational pop might be helpful. You heard me and I don’t say it damn lightly: break out the S Club 7!
